Friday, June 16, 2017

National ID Cards: The Kobach Solution

When I was a little kid there were lots of movies about Nazi Germany, and there was always the cold sweat scene where the Gestapo officer looks over the heroine or hero and demands, "Unt vere are your papers?"  The papers are produced, whew, they were not lost but then the Gestapo man inspects them, sniffs them, just about licks them and says, suspiciously, "Vell, your papers appear to be in order."
Mr. Kobach

As a kid, I knew I could never keep anything in my pockets for very long and I just knew I'd have wound up in the Gestapo prison, chained to the wall.

Now we have guys like Kris Koboch of Kansas who believes Hispanic immigrants are not just rapists and drug thugs charging across the Mexican border, but he thinks they are intent up committing "ethnic cleansing" of the White population of the lower 48 and wiping out good, White, Christian Americans.

Given that concern, it's only reasonable to assume anybody who looks like a swarthy Hispanic from South of the Border might be part of this race war and it would be reasonable to demand his driver's license, birth certificate--the long form with the signature of the doctor, his Baptismal certificate, his grade school diploma and his library card to be sure he is legally in this country.

About that long form birth certificate--Mr. Kobach has said he did not accept the birth certificate produced for Mr. Obama because it was a short form and did not have a doctor's signature, which of course is important, because Mr. Kobach intended on tracking down the doctor who delivered Mr. Obama and hauling him before a grand jury to testify unequivocally he remembered delivering Mr. Obama.

Failing that testimony, Mr. Koboch would not be satisfied Mr. Obama was a natural born citizen and would revert to his default suspicion that Mr. Obama was born in Kenya to Martian parents.
He's got his scanner to check you out

Mr. Koboch was no fan of Mr. Obama because:
1/ Mr. Obama is half Black, which makes him un-American ipso facto.
Of course some Blacks were born in this country to slaves.
Now slaves and the descendants of slaves, are they really here legally?
I mean, you can make an argument they arrived here pretty much as gate crashers, like those Mexicans who were brought across the border by handlers and coyotes.
In fact, there was a Supreme Court decision that said Black people (slaves) were not real Americans. It was called the Dred Scott case, which actually held Black people were not human beings, but only property,  which is like saying they are not citizens because only human beings can be citizens, except for therapy dogs, who have official state licenses, which must make these dogs citizens.

2/ Under Mr. Obama, Black people could not be convicted of crimes, or at least civil rights crimes. Someone said that on a radio show and Mr. Kobach agreed that was, in essence, true.

If every American had a national ID card it would be unnecessary to pass  laws Mr. Kobach proposes about police having to demand proof of citizenship whenever they talk to anybody of the swarthy persuasion.

The problem is people don't always have their birth certificates on them, like when they are at the beach or hunting or fishing or walking their dogs.

At one point we considered dog tags, which seemed to work well enough in the Army during the big War, but even dog tags got pulled off or caught on the airplane door when you were jumping out.  Kids were issued dog tags when I was a kid, just in case there was a nuclear attack. Don't ask. It seemed to make sense at the time.  Actually, my father refused to allow me to wear dog tags, and I've been wanting to compensate for that early childhood loss ever since. I wanted to be official. Accepted. American. I was born in Washington, D.C. and that means I could never answer that question all the computer security programs ask: In what state were you born?  I am stateless. But I'm a citizen, I think. I'd feel more secure if I had some dog tags.

Funny thing is, I signed up to get my lab results after my blood was drawn, with Quest lab and to verify I was who I really said I was I had to answer questions about my addresses from 40 years ago, which I had long forgotten but the computer knew. And it knew about automobiles I had registered in 1981, stuff I could not remember but the computer knew. So why do I even need to have dog tags if the computer knows me so well? That's what I'd like to know.

But, wait. There's another solution. Mr. Kobach might be pleased at the latest proposal from Attorney General Sessions ("General Sessions," as the Senators call him. Quite a promotion from "Senator") that every American infant have a computer chip implanted in the delivery room, like those things dogs get at the vet, and this would be an official U.S. government chip which could be scanned and would verify the American citizenship of the person with the chip.
It would also allow the government to follow you, should you feel inclined to cross the border into Mexico and sell your chip down there.
I got my chip. I'm a citizen!

How cool would that be?
There are some details to be worked out, like where would you put the chip? Abdomen? Back? Thigh?
And what would happen if you took a hit during football practice and damaged the chip?  Would you lose your citizenship?
And what if a black market for chips got launched--people no longer knocking you out to get your organs, but they get your chip.

And what if the Russians hacked American chips and made every American an official alien and every Russian a U.S. Citizen?

The possibilities are really intriguing. Watch for this to play out on "The Americans" or "The Leftovers" or "The Beverly Hillbillies."


  1. Mad Dog,
    As someone who has on occasion become inadvertently separated from their personal documents, I agree a more "permanent" solution is required. As you point out, chips can still be removed and sold on the black market, so they're not the answer. I'm thinking a large stamp-like the ones the USDA slaps on sides of beef- emblazoned on all our foreheads would do the trick..It could say "USA"-that way we could easily discern our fellow citizens and patriots from "them illegals". The top 1% could even have their stamps adorned with stars and stripes to denote how special they are..This would make us the envy of the international community-and would be an important step in making America great again don't you think?

  2. Maud,
    How about a tattoo on your forearm with your social security number, birth date and password?
    I'm not sure I'm the first to think of this.
    Did someone else try this out somewhere in Europe back in the day?
    Mad Dog