Sunday, March 27, 2016

Best Presidential Campaign Ever: Thanks, Melania

I don't know about those high heels

I know it's Easter Sunday, but as that radical theologian, Joe Cocker, once said, "Let's don't get all hung up over Easter."  Or maybe it was, "Let's not all be hung over on Easter." Whatever.  The thing is, on this holiest of all Christian holidays, when many are celebrating the idea of ressurection and new life, and the joy of life, it seems somehow not totally inappropriate that the newspapers front pages are all plastered with stories, if not images of MelaniaTrump in her birthday suit.

I mean, how much less appropriate are thoughts of naked Melania, sex, the acts that give rise to new life than those weird little yellow chicken things they sell for Easter baskets and the dyed unfertilized chicken eggs we all search for?
The flower is the best touch

Anyway, I'm really loving this Presidential campaign. 

You got to hand it to Donald Trump for planting those nude photos of his wife and blaming Ted Cruz: He did get past all the political correctness and to the heart of what this campaign is really  all about. 

As anyone who watches "House of Cards" and has become a fan of the Russian President depicted in that series, we all know what politics is really about and that's sex, desire and seduction.  I mean, that scene in the study in Germany between Claire and the Russian was just so TENSE!  You just knew at any moment he was going to rip off all her clothes and she would put up token resistance before taking the top position and forcing him to sign the damn oil drilling agreement, and there would be some silly puns about his capacity for drilling.  I know all that was written and performed, but, obviously, Netflix executives chickened out and could not bring themselves to include it in the family TV series which shows President Underwood hallucinating sex with Zoe as he is about to leave this world. What else would he be hallucinating about? 

Have I digressed? 

No, I was talking about what 2016 is really about. Claire and Petrov are every bit as real as the Donald and Melania for most voters.

Look, the real issue in this campaign is:  Who would you like to think about in the Lincoln bedroom in the White House?  Now, Melania Trump, that stirs some dry roots with Spring rain, right there. 
Jackie Who?

It's an open secret what really drives those Aryan Nation boys in Idaho and Wyoming crazy is the idea of a Black couple spending nights in the WHITE House, in  same bed where the Great Emancipator once slept. Although, now that you mention it, wouldn't you think they'd like that idea? 

I don't know. Really, I don't.

Talk About Hot

But, anyway, I like the idea of voting for the First Lady first. Of course, in Bill Clinton's case, he would be the first man.  I cannot speak to this, but I will rely on my extensive female readership to comment on whether Bill does for you what Melania does for most heterosexual men.  If so, then we've got a match.

Actually, this opens up a whole new set of possibilities.  Memo to Bernie:  Leak the photos of your liaison with Megyn Kelly.  You don't have to be actually married to the lady or even actually having an affair; it's enough to just set the scene in the brains of the multitudes. Bernie and Megyn, you know. (And, just for the record, any woman who spells her name "Megyn" is just asking for it.)

Bernie: Memo to Donald: Eat your heart out

This is all a very healthy trend in openness, transparency and if the Republican leadership had only gone there first, why then, we'd be seeing Paul Ryan in the White House in 2017. And may yet. 

Joe Darrow New York Magazine

Hey, so what does Paul Ryan's  wife look like naked?


  1. Mad Dog,
    Oh yes indeed-the best-ever! Just when you think it can't possibly get any better it soldiers on like Star Trek "boldly going where no man has gone before"...Naked photos of the front runner's wife-Yes, that's a first..What moron thought that would hurt the Donald given the type of voter who supports him to begin with...Nah, everyone knows anyone open to Trump as President would get a load of Melania wearing nothing but heels and think "Way to go Donald!". That's why I'm with you-the person leaking Melania on the bed wasn't Cruz, but Trump..But then it just keeps getting juicier..Donald releases a comparison photo of Heidi Cruz and Melania next to each other-take that America..that particular shot reminded me a lot of the Kennel Ration dog food ad back in the 60's. The one where the song went "My dog's better than your dog, my dog's better than yours"..I think replace the word wife with dog, cue up the music and the Donald will have a real ground breaking ad there..Huge!

    But then my favorite moment thus far, the moment that brings a broad smile to my lips is the press conference following the battle of the wives, where Cruz calls Trump a rat and then assures us he has "no desire to copulate with him"..In case we were wondering..Curiously we've never heard that during a campaign before either, although I'm not sure why..

    Meanwhile the Dems aren't really adding much to the excitement of the campaign what with all their talk about policy-and absolutely no discussion of the size of Bernie's or Bill's, uh, hands..Boring!! Thank goodness this historical campaign continues to have the deliciously decadent and dirty GOP to surprise us..

  2. Ms. Maud,
    Deliciously decadent and dirty. That does cover the ground.
    There is, clearly, a gender divide here, however.
    I immediately went on line to see images of Cruz's wife and Paul Ryan's wife.
    I am betting you did not do that.
    Personally, I'm sticking with Trump's wife. They're all blondes (deliciously) but beyond Melania, neither is decadent or dirty.
    And really, for me, the deciding factor in my vote would be Melania's high heel shoes.
    Am I so old and out of touch that detail struck me?
    Do women actually go to bed naked except for high heel shoes?
    What do high heel shoes do to bed linens?
    If worn outside, does wearing foot wear in bed led to skin infections?
    Really, this opens up a whole world of inquiry.

    Mad Dog

  3. Mad Dog,
    Yes there is a gender divide here-when I said decadent and dirty I was certainly NOT referring to the wives, but rather the tactics of the men during this groundbreaking election..Not only are their performances entertaining-especially to their base-they are proving, hopefully, to be instructive to that large group of independent and undecided voters who are getting a real look at what they'd be voting for..Nope, the women in this case are simply caught in the middle of the skirmish..

    As for wearing footwear to bed-that's actually been a long standing practice among women here in the northeast..What type of footwear worn to bed is dependent upon the season-sandals in the summer, running shoes and loafers in the fall, knee high water proof boots in the winter-of course one must always be careful to brush off the snow before hopping in.. Surprisingly, this practice has been found to have a multitude of benefits, including the prevention of dry heels..

    1. Ms. Maud,
      Well, this gets curiouser and curiouser--folkways of New Hampshire, either an anthropologic study or the basis for Real Housewives of New Hampshire.
      Obviously, I've gotten too old to know much about the bed time habits of 21st century women.
      Does sound a little cumbersome, although who can object if it prevents dry heels?
      Mad Dog