One thing about Donald Trump: there's never a dull or unfilled moment.
It is hard just keeping up with Trump news; one loses track. Fortunately, the New York Times compiled a list of stuff Mr. Trump has attached his name to or has demanded be named for him:
1. U.S. Currency will now have his signature where the U.S. Treasurer once had his. Not that most people ever noticed. And Trump did make sure his signature got printed on those COVID relief checks.
2. Trump coins: one with his profile and one from above the waist, leaning forward on some surface, looking like Marcus Aurelius watching his legions march off to war.
3. The Trump-Kennedy Center. As Llyod Benson remonstrated, "I knew Jack Kennedy. You're no Jack Kennedy." It's a "King Joffrey" move, if you're a fan of GOT.
4. Donald J. Trump United States Institute for Peace. Whatever that is. Likely where they display mementos from the airstrikes on fishing boats in the Caribbean, from the bombing of Iran and videos of Trump and his gang beating up on Volodymyr Zelensky in the Oval Office.
5. Trump Gold Card: wherein if you give Mr. Trump a million dollars, you can get a visa to visit America.
6. Trump RX: A website for buying prescription drugs, which does not work yet, but Mr. Trump has the concept of the program in mind.
7. Trump National Parks Pass, showing Mr. Trump next to George Washington, who is not as good looking.
8. Trump Class Warships: which are especially vulnerable to $2,000 drones, like the one which set fire to the U.S.S. Gerald Ford, causing the $3 billion aircraft carrier to high tail it out of the Persian gulf.
9. President Donald J. Trump International Airport in Florida.
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10. Penn Station in NYC renamed to Donald J. Trump Station. This is a nice complement to the Donald J. Trump ice skating rink in Central Park and might go well with a renamed Grand Trump Central Station at 42 Street, and while we're at it we could rename "Fifth Avenue" to "Trump Avenue," and Tiffany's to Trump Tiffany's and Breakfast at Tiffany's to Breakfast at Trump's Tiffany's.
For that matter, how about New Trump City? With 5 boroughs: BronxalDonald, ManTrumptan, DonnyBrookland, Statentrumpia and QueensBarron.
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11. Washington Dulles Airport: Well, who was Dulles any way? Just some guy who traveled a lot by airplane when he was secretary of state. They built that airport way out in Loudon County, Virginia, so far from downtown Washington, D.C. that the joke was nobody would ever use it until you built a train to get to the city, which they did eventually and now it's still light years from the city, but people do use it if they are trying to get to West Virginia.
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12. National Football League Donald J. Trump Commanders stadium. Well, they named one Redskins stadium after Robert F. Kennedy--the original RFK, not the JR, and they had some pretty good teams there eventually, but lately the team could use a boost, which surely the Trump name could provide. Maybe we could go back to the Redskins, as long as we are renaming things, which means we could play, "Hail to the Redskins!" again. Or "Hail to the Trump Redskins! Hail Victory. Hail to the Redskins! Fight for Old Donald Trumpty!"
13. The Trump Train: renaming the DC Metro is a no brainer. The alliteration alone would be worth it.
14. The $100 Trump dollar bill. I mean, really, is Benjamin Franklin, for all his talents as a scientist, a statesman, a diplomat not just a little too homely for American currency? Not from central casting. While we're at it, why not go full tilt and replace all those folks, Washington, Lincoln, Grant with Trump. You could add variety by profile, full frontal and maybe different colors for different denominations, as long as they are all gold.
15. And, last, and the piece de resistance: Trump on Mount Rushmore. The problem is placement. The faces are pretty tightly packed, but there does seem to be room to Mr. Lincoln's left, and maybe to George Washington's right. Or maybe, just maybe, we could touch up Teddy Roosevelt's visage and transform it into Donald Trump. Roosevelt never really belonged up there with the first President who held the country together and then retired, refusing to be king or Jefferson, author of the Declaration and the President who bought the North American continent for posterity, or, of course, Lincoln, who Trump says is the next best President to himself.






















