Wednesday, March 23, 2016

The Hillary/Trump Debate of My Dreams

Dime Store Bully

Here's the debate I'd love to see.
The Donald, in his full insult mode confronts Madame Secretary Clinton.
She does have a high voltage smile

Donald (looking down at Ms. Clinton): Well, they had to adjust that podium so the TV cameras could find you down there.

Hillary:  I'm just about exactly the same height as your friend, Vladimir Putin, but I guess you knew that.

Donald: I didn't. He looks taller.  But he's got way more energy than you. I don't see you riding horses shirtless.

Hillary:  At my age, one expects to get tired at the end of a long day, but the next day I wake up, refreshed raring to go.

Donald:  No, you're low energy all day.

Hillary: You pride yourself on animal strength, in which wild swine are your equal and the jackass infinitely your superior.

Donald:  You calling me a swine?  

Hillary:  Well, it was the jackass where the invidious comparison obtains. And I wouldn't want to be unfair to the swine.

Donald: You know, you were the worst Secretary of State in history.  You just couldn't keep up, which is why you had to bail out the night of Benghazi, had to go home to catch your beauty sleep. Well, as President, you've got to be on the go all day and night.

Hillary: So by late at night, I will be tired, but the next morning I will awaken rejuvenated and you, sir, will still be an imbecile. 

Donald: You've never made an honest dollar. The only power you've every had has been given to you by men, first your husband, then Obama.

Hillary: And you would know all about being handed power, as opposed to say, earning it. You are this country's closest approximation to Joffrey, the feckless son of the Lancasters, from Game of Thrones.  Born to the throne but not brave enough or smart enough or strong enough to actually wield power effectively.

Donald:  And you fashion yourself as a champion of women, but you were the enabler who helped your husband abuse women.

Hillary:  Do you know who Phil Sheridan was?

Donald: Never met him, I don't think.

Hillary: Well, he was a Union general in the Civil War. He was a man of many failings, and he was short, rather homely, but he had the qualities his country needed to save it--courage, decisiveness, understanding the big picture. He died young and his much younger wife was asked who, among her many suitors, she would choose to replace him in her life and she said, "I'd rather be Phil Sheridan's widow than any living man's wife." People didn't understand that. I do. Anyone who reads the tabloids knows my husband has his  faults, but I consider myself lucky to be his wife, for all our troubles.  You don't have the character to even carry water for him.

Donald: Yeah, and he came hat in hand to me for money. I carried him. 

Hillary:  You know, I think I know men. You are the guy who might be fun at the frat party Friday night, but  what woman would ever want to wake up the next morning and see you there, in the light of day?

Donald: Oh, a lot of women would.

Hillary: Well, I've heard you brag about the size of your male organ, it's true. But it's not so much that organ where your real problem resides: It's the two other organs we all should worry about in your case: Brain and heart.  The one doesn't light up and the other's too small.  


  1. Mad Dog,
    Great line-one organ "doesn't light up and the other's too small" true it is..your above rendition is a debate that would be a delight..especially liked Hillary's comment that she will wake up refreshed-but he will "still be an imbecile"..some other lines that might be enjoyable:

    Donald: Worst of all Hillary, you're a pie faced cow..What's up with those pant suits?

    Hillary: In the immortal words of Mr. Dylan-"You're an idiot Donald, it's a wonder you can even feed your self..."

    Donald: You're still a cow..

    Hillary: and you're still terminally stupid..

    Or something like that..well we can dream...What dastardly tale do you think Donald would like to unleash on Cruz's wife--just when you think the campaign can't possibly sink any lower..Cruz's indignation is really a hoot, he's disgusted, DISGUSTED that Donald would stoop so low-even though his PAC salaciously attacked Mrs. Trump, first..Irony, hypocrisy and truth all very foreign concepts to Candidate Cruz..can't believe Jebby actually endorsed him today..Guess he hadn't the "energy" to do anything else..

  2. Ms. Maud,

    As ever, I struggle to keep up with your allusions.
    The Dylan thing is from a song I know I've heard, about the cow. Trying to hum it in my head and come up with it. Are they teaching Dylan in college now? I'm just not well enough versed.
    Yes, we do have to think about the riposte to the pants suit attack. Forgot all about the pants suits. You know he's working on that in his reptilian brain.

    I do think Hillary would do well to hire you to work on her debate prep team.
    Now, if I could just get her on the phone.

    Mad Dog

  3. Mad Dog,
    Actually the Dylan reference had nothing to do with cows-he's sung about fish that walk and dogs that talk, but I can't recall any mention of cows..No, I just thought cows and pantsuits are the type of low rent attacks Mr. Trump is partial to... The Dylan line is from "Idiot Wind" can see from the title why The Donald came so quickly to mind..