If Hillary could just get the Donnie John rap down, it might go something like this:
Oh, those Russian hackers are just wasted on vodka tonight, with all their celebrating. Donald is singing their song. Donald is their puppet master for all that hacking now. Just send all those hacked emails right to the GOP. This is gonna make Watergate look like a Tea Party. Well, that was probably the start of the Tea Party, now that I think about it.
Speaking of "T" that's the first letter of "taxes" and Donald is the master of disaster when it comes to taxes. You know, he's going to kill the "death tax." You know what that is? That's the tax that only 1 out of every thousand tax payers may ever have to pay because it's all about taxing estates over $11 million. If you've got that much money, then you ought to vote for Donnie John, because he is going to be your savior.
Did you know the Donald invented the income tax? Oh, sure we have something called the "income tax' going back to 1916, but he invented the modern income tax. Now don't get all literal on me now. You know what I mean. (Wink.) It was Donald who brought the income tax to life, just when it was about to breath it's last gasp. He's a regular Dr. Frankenstein, bringing the monster to life.
It was down to its last gasps, but now he's gonna sell it to all the lumpen proletariat with the three tax brackets, like that's some major gift.
In fact, it doesn't matter whether you have 3 or 20 brackets, what matters in the end, is how much tax you have to pay, and that comes down to deductions and what counts as income. And for the Donald, taxes only apply to the little people, that is, the losers on salaries. The hedge fund guys and the trust fund babies and the guys getting stock options, well none of that is "ordinary income," so they don't even have to worry about income taxes 'cause that's not really income to Donald.
Donald wants to take your jobs away and give them to those people in China who make his Trump ties and then he's coming after your guns. Oh we got trouble. We got trouble. We got trouble right here in America and that's spelled with "T" and can't you see, we got Trouble?
Did you know Donald wasn't even born in America? Well, maybe technically--don't go all literal on me--but he was conceived in Germany and we are looking into his birth certificate and it's not at all clear to me his mother actually ever made it to Queens before Donald slithered into the world. I heard he was actually born in Hitler's bunker. We have been looking into it and you wouldn't believe what we are finding. You just wouldn't believe it!
And Libya and Benghazi, oh, he was behind all that. He was there. Just try to get him to account for where he was when all that went down. I saw video of Donnie John on the roof tops across the street from that Benghazi compound, dancing and shouting "You've got the right to keep and bear arms" to all those terrorists.
And air pollution, Oh Donald. He is buying air pollution from China, where he makes all those Trump things and bringing it over here to America, where he's selling it to West Virginia and Kentucky. Oh, he's for coal all right because he's making a bundle on global warming. It's much, much cheaper to heat his casinos in the winter, and the warmer it gets those hot summer, well, where else can you beat the heat but in air conditioned casinos?Oh, he's all over global warming like a cheap suit, I gotta tell you.
And student debt! Well, Donald invented student debt. Just ask all those kids who went into hock trying to pay for success courses at Trump You!
But that's nothing compared to the wall. He's been buying up futures and options on concrete companies since last April. That wall along Mexico, oh that is going to be YOOOOUGGE! He's making enough on concrete futures just talking about that wall. He doesn't even have to build it. All he has to do is talk about it. His Trump Enterprises is teetering on the verge of bankruptcy, but all you have to do is TALK about that wall and concrete futures go through the roof because of that wall, that's going to bail him out entirely.
That's why he's running. He doesn't even want to be President. He just wants to get solvent and that wall is his ticket right there.
Donnie Dimwit may not be the sharpest blade when it comes to actually running a business, but he can create demand like nobody else, and that wall across Mexico is the biggest con of all time and he's selling it.
You can believe it, because I heard it from some very intelligent and reliable people, whose names I can't name because I can't recall them, but they are very intelligent people, some of them from the Wharton School of Business.
Did I mention his wife is an enabler?