Let's All Kill Grandma

So let's talk about Medicare and Social Security.

These are things we call "Entitlements," or as the Republican Party says, "Government sponsored Ponzi Schemes."

We really cannot afford to pay for either, because we insist on government living within its means.

And we cannot live within our means, especially if we have no means because means means taxes, and as Republicans WE ARE AGAINST TAXES.

So when Grandma gets to the hospital, unable to breathe and we are told she needs a heart bypass procedure, which costs somewhere between $100,000 and $200,000, we would have to sell her house and get a second mortgage on our house and would grandma really want that?

We can't ask her because she so short of breath she can't answer.

But, we can use the coupon for $8,000 which Paul Ryan gave us and that will bring the cost down to well, $192,000, so that will help.

Well, maybe she can make it without the surgery.

But there's another problem. If we take her home and she does survive, that Social Security check isn't coming any more, because you know, we had this problem with the deficit.

And I know that was a big problem because my brother is over in Iraq and he tells me he can see where all the money is going. And he says his buddies in Afghanistan say it's even worse over there--they are just exploding money over there, literally.

But Kelly Ayotte is all for spending over there, because, well she's a patriot. And she looks so sweet.

Now Mr. Guinta is on the same page as Senator Ayotte. She got to vote against Medicare and he's just sorry he didn't have the same chance.

He is pretty happy though, because he's now a finalist in the Joseph McCarthy look alike contest.

Frank wasn't really sure who Joe McCarthy was, but when he was told Joe was a Republican, he liked him immediately. Joe was one of the best Republicans at finding bad people in the federal government. He had lists of bad people, and he kept changing them and updating them. He hated government spending, too. So he and Frank are sort of soul mates. Actually, they all are, Joe and Kelly and Frank and Mitch, all separated at birth, but now reunited under that great big Republican circus tent.

Makes you sort of proud to be an American.