Mr. Gohmert Instructs: A Page from the Republican Primer

Do you think this man may have a problem?

"And they’ve committed at least 7,695 sexual assaults.  You want to talk about a war on women? This administration will not defend the women of America from criminal aliens! By the thousands, and hundreds of thousands!

Well, we know thousands.And we know people are coming in by the hundreds of thousands illegally. And this administration wants to talk about other people having a war on women when they will not defend the women that are being sexually assaulted by illegally aliens in this country!"

           Louie Gohmert, U.S. Congressman, First Congressional District, Texas (Where else?)

I'll protect you. Just move a little closer. 

No, that is not Rush Limbaugh. That's a United States Congressman. Granted, he's from Texas, but still.

If he had just thrown in that one word--"White"--it would have been a complete throwback to the 1950's.  We have to defend the White women of our country from the sexual depravities these dark skinned aliens who want to ravage them.  

Oh, Deacon Gohmert, please protect me! I need you, so big and strong, to protect me against these sexually avaricious adolescents from Honduras, who are stalking me, hiding behind every cactus, every pick up truck, just pulsing with sexual intent!

Don't you love the specificity:  down to the final 5? 7695 sexual assaults by illegal alien men on white Texas women. I've investigated each and every one, my very own  self, and kept a log. And, Lawdie, Lawdie, some of those women were hot!

The problem for Mr. Gohmert and his fellow Tea Party Republicans is the images of these refugee kids are just so ...cute. Trying to ship off  those kids off is something akin to bludgeoning  fur seal pups over the head with truncheons.  

So let's put on our thinking caps, Republicans: How do we transform these kids into something threatening?   Why, they look innocent and all, but they carry disease!

No, wait, disease is too...invisible and the Democrats might bring on some lefty doctors saying they've examined the kids and no disease.  

This guy might be from Honduras!

Ah, but let's say, I'm just saying, that some of these kids are randy adolescents. Dark skinned, randy adolescents with eyes for white women as these women pull up in their vans at the super market. Ohhhh...yeah.  

Why they haven't hit upon the zombie angle, I do not know. After all, you cannot kill these kids,  and they just keep coming back.  But that may be a fall back. For now, we just need a simple, straightforward, specific warning. 

Thanks Louie, for your concern. We know where it's coming from.