Senators Eric Smith and John Neely Kennedy Attack Jack Smith for Not Attending Hawks Game: MAGA Enters a Reality Free Zone

 

At a United States Senate hearing which should go down in history as the Immaculate Revelation, Senator Eric Schmitt (R-Ohio) pounced on his prey, Jack Smith, the prosecutor who sought to indict Trump for trying to fix the 2020 election and for hiding secret documents, which to this day remain secret (although credible conjecture is they contain MacDonald's recipes for French Fries and Big Macs).

Senator John Neely Kennedy had just got through saying Mr. Smith's testimony gave him vomit in his mouth, and to tag team that remark, Schmitt had his staff flash up a poster with photos of Jack Smith and two Atlantic Democratic prosecutors and bubble comments, which were later found to contain email messages from Mr. Smith's staff about the seat numbers in a basketball arena. "You didn't know we had those emails DID you Mr. Smith?" Schmitt announced gleefully. But now we got you, caught, right there in a crowd of 3,000 along with your dirt bag co-conspirators! Obviously plotting to collude in a groundless prosecution of our dear leader, Donald J. Trump.

Mr. Smith looked genuinely perplexed and asked to see the poster, which had been raised by Senator Kennedy but dropped so quickly it looked like the flash cards of a child's multiplication table practice set.

While Mr. Smith groped for an answer, Senator Schmitt bore in, "You WERE in Atlantic that night, at that Hawks game, weren't you?"

"Well, I'm not sure."
"Well, maybe I can remind you to keep you from perjuring yourself any further!"

Meanwhile, Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) asked to see that poster again and to have it shown to Mr. Smith, but just as she did, Smith brightened and said, "Oh! Yes! I WAS at a basketball game. Caitlin Clark was playing for the Iowa Hawkeyes, at the University of Maryland. I was in College Park that night."

Senator Klobuchar said, "Oh, so Senator Schmitt mixed up the Hawks with the Hawkeyes. Maybe you better get your facts straight before you call somebody a 'dirt bag.'"

"You are trying to rehabilitate the witness!" Schmitt sniffed. 

Senator Klobuchar did not say, "Yes, Senator. I was trying to rehabilitate a witness after you falsely accused him of perjury, after you presented a falsehood as fact and even now you refuse to admit you were wrong or that the fact that Mr. Smith was 700 miles away from Atlanta that night. You are dancing the Roy Cohn rag, which is a dance the  MAGA mob has perfected: Get it wrong. Don't admit it. Just say you got it right. There is no such thing as truth, only 'alternative facts.'"

But the world isn't that wonderful. 

Instead the moment passed and the next day Senator Schmitt laughed off the whole thing by saying, "Apparently Mr. Smith is a Caitlin Clark fan," as if that were an answer to how he lied and then refused to apologize for getting it wrong, but simply maintained the facts might be wrong, but the accusation of Mr. Smith's perfidy is right, in principle, you know, like he really is a dirt bag, just not a Hawks fan.

Go Hawkeyes!