Donald's Magic Hair Recipe

The Donald's doctor says the Donald's  got his own hair because he takes finasteride, a drug used to treat prostatism .
The same drug is marketed under another name, "Propecia" sold for hair loss prevention.This is one of those wonderful world of Big pharma sleights of hand--a drug by any other name is a new drug, if you just change the dose and/or the marketing. So we have Welbutrin, an anti depressant, marketed for smoking cessation under the name, Zyban, which means the drug company can open two bank accounts rather than just one.

This pharma naming thing is really cool. It's something the Donald has been fascinated with for some time. You call something by a different name and, presto, it's a HUGE success. So you take, for example, Dress for Success Business School, which was failing, just so badly. Really, a bunch of losers. Who would want a diploma from that place?  Their diplomas were, like, black and white, printed on some off brand printer.  But you rename it Trump University, and bang! You're making money hand over fist.
Anyway, Donald's doctor says this stuff is just great for preventing hair loss and he's declared himself Exhibit A and Donald is exhibit B and don't you know--you can buy this stuff under the Trump name as "Trump Hair," for only $49.99 for a week's supply.

Hey, seeing is believing. Right?

What's just so FANTASTIC about this is, who knew? There is a hair loss medicine! Incredible. Just so incredible. (Think about that word..."in" as in "not" and credible.) This stuff can grow hair on an egg.

It's true. Really true. He's a great doctor, one of the best. Has all the best words. His uncle was a genius who taught at MIT, which is probably how he discovered this great drug. Really. I heard it from some lady in the parking lot. Same lady who told Michelle Bachmann about how vaccines cause mental retardation.

And Donald has told everyone, if it weren't for his great hair, he probably would have lost the election. Well, that and the hats, which protected his hair, which tends to blow away in a strong breeze.

If Bernie had been taking finasteride, he would probably be President today. I mean, I know that may sound superficial and sexist and it's SO politically incorrect. But true. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying.
Of course, Bernie may not really be eligible to be President because I heard he was born in Poland. Same lady in the Parking lot.  Or, maybe Brooklyn, which may or may not qualify as America.

But about the hair:  look how good Joe Biden looks, and you know the hair follicles on top of his head didn't come into the world right there. They got a little assist from Dr. Transplant. (Donald's scalp had that, too. But the big thing was his doctor's special formula.)

The doctor was actually the Donald's first choice for Heath and Human Services, because, you know he does have great hair, but then that Price guy came in to talk to the President and, well, it's always the last guy he talks to, so Price got the job.

Doesn't matter. No matter who's at HHS, Obamacare is toast.  And we're going to replace it with something so much better. Just so much better. Trump Care. New name, new life.
Trump Care  is cheap and easy to use. You just won't believe how much better this is going to be.  Well, you can ask Paul Ryan, who has all the details. Something about vouchers.
Or was vouchers that DeVos lady's thing? You get vouchers for your school fees.
No, wait!
It was vouchers for Social Security.  No. Medicare you get the vouchers. Social Security you get stocks.
And if you are smart you'll invest in anything with the Trump name attached to it: Trump U, Trump steaks, Trump flowers. You name it.

There's just so much winning now.