Obama's Game Plan for Debate #2: Mad Dog's Imaginary Debate: Romney and the Bull Pulpit

Memo to President Obama:  Here's Mad Dog's first work out session for you. First:  appearances, which is what these debates are all about. Yes, wear the navy blue suit, but put in a flashy tie--come out there looking like an American flag.

Next:  when you stand next to the neighborhood bully, laugh at him, with your brows knitted. Practice that look. Brows down, teeth flashing.

Okay, ready now? Let's try the first question.

Moderator:  Mr. Romney, your income tax returns show you deposited money in offshore accounts and avoided paying taxes to the US Treasury by that maneuver. You say you are for the middle class. How can you reconcile using those offshore accounts to reduce your tax bill to  13%, which is less than the middle class taxpayer pays while  claiming a common cause with the middle class?

Romney: I’m glad you asked that question, because this has been used as a sort of slander, this question of offshore accounts. In fact, that benefits  the middle class and all those workers who got jobs because I was successful. I don’t apologize for being successful. I am grateful to this country for allowing me to take risks and become a winner. And what did I do with that money I did not pay in taxes to the government? I went out and created successful businesses and created jobs. I was and am a job creator. You see, I said to myself, I’d rather keep that money as capital than give it to the government and let some government bureaucrat spend it on some loser company like Solendra. I have always been in the business of creating winners and picking winners. I do that better than any government, like most successful businessmen.  So I don’t apologize for sheltering taxes from the government man, I rejoice in it. I used that money better for my fellow countrymen than if I had, like some sheep led to slaughter, just handed it over and hoped the government would trickle it down.

Moderator:  Mr Obama?

Obama:  I’ve heard of taking a lemon and making lemonade, but this is taking a rotten fish and calling it the catch of the day. Parking money in offshore accounts to avoid paying income tax to your own country may be perfectly legal but that doesn’t make it smell any better, and this reeks to high heaven.  You ask Clyde Barrow how he could justify robbing banks and he would have told  you he could find better uses for that money than the bank or the government, and in fact, he never took a cent from a depositor waiting in line. But this is all just transparent rationalization. It’s saying the government is a bad thing, and you don’t want to contribute to the one thing which connects all of us,  because you think you are so much better than everyone else.  My grandfather, who fought in Patton’s Third Army, used to smile when he’d write out his check to the IRS on April 15^th, and I’d ask him why he was smiling and he’d say, “Because paying income tax hurts. And there’s no patriotic act, that’s truly patriotic that doesn’t hurt a little. I consider paying my share my annual act of patriotism.”  Well, I’m not sure I can sell that to many taxpayers, but I can say that when you are paying 20% or more on your income and you hear someone say he’s doing more for his country by not paying his income tax, you’d better give that the sniff test. And in fact, don't forget, Mr. Romney's private businesses cost as many people their jobs as they ever created new ones, unless you want to count all the jobs Bain shipped overseas. But helping your country more by not paying your fair share of income tax? Plu-ease. That's not just vulture capitalism, that's anarchy. Our whole way of life depends on people paying their fair share to the common good.