Trump Stamps Out Crime in DC: Big Parade with Tanks to Follow

“I’ve straightened out crime in four days in D.C., and all they do is say ‘he’s a dictator,’” Mr. Trump complained on Mr. Starnes’s show.

“People were getting mugged all over the place,” he said, adding: “People are so happy, they’re going out to restaurants again.”

The true mark of a transcendent leader is his ability o see a problem before anyone else and to take decisive action to solve it.

Of course, there has always been crime in Washington, D.C., right down to the auction blocks for slavery, but then that crime was actually legal, so, technically, it wasn't really a crime.

And you know, those museums on the Mall where National Guardsmen from Red States now patrol--Mississippi, Louisiana and South Carolina--those museums all say slavery was really bad, and that's just so misleading. They are missing all the good things that happened when those slaves were busy picking cotton.

But, beyond that, there have been murders, rapes, muggings, although statistically, less often than in Mississippi, Louisiana and South Carolina.

But statistics are just numbers and like science, all that stuff is no longer of any moment. We don't talk about science any more.

We are just into theater. So Mr. Trump tells us he is going on a ride with D.C. police and with National Guard troopers from Mississippi, Louisiana and South Carolina to be sure crime is suppressed in Georgetown and Dupont Circle, and on the Mall around the museums and monuments, where the major risk to citizens is getting run over by bicycles and joggers and the major risk to police is getting hit in the face by a sandwich.

Mad Dog used to work in a part of DC called Bladensberg, and in those days, the road was lined with hourly motels and prostitutes tending their children in the parking lots outside the motels, and it was the sort of strip you did not want to blow a tire and have your car breakdown, because it would be stripped to spare parts in an hour.  So that was a tough part of town, but that's not where the Guardsmen from Mississippi, Louisiana and South Carolina are patrolling. They are walking down the mean streets of the West End, Foggy Bottom, where the ice cream parlors and expensive boutiques live.

No reason to expose those Southern gentlemen to any real risk--like mobilizing them in their own home states. Those guardsmen from Mississippi, Louisiana and South Carolina are probably tickled to get out of their home States, to Washington, D.C., where it's really pretty damn safe. 

So, once again, we have a joke fantasy play from the imagination of a mind trapped in  arrested development, which never quite got by the nine year old boy's stage of just saying the world is so, and voila`, it is.

We can say we have stopped wars in Africa, and all over the world, and any moment now, in Ukraine, and we can say we don't need IVF because we now have "restorative fertility"  diets, and we can say there is no problem with job losses or an economy slapped silly by tariffs, or we can say all universities are dens of antisemitism, or at least the elite ones are, and so we should defund their cancer research funds, and we can blackmail big money law firms into making them work for the President and we can believe in Tinkerbell and Peter Pan and the crocodile with the ticking clock.

And the best part of it, is it's just such a happy feeling.

Just don't go round any of the children's hospitals, where kids are dying of infectious diseases they could have been protected from, and don't go near the cancer wards where research grants have been cut, and don't worry about the climate or the environment. 

We can make America Great again, like it was in the 1950's, when you could not dip your toe into the polluted Potomac without risking life and limb--before the industrial giants upstream were forced by the government to clean up their dumping acts--but that's when government was good ,and did a lot of science.